T is for Tantrum

Our eyes lock. We both know what’s coming.

I take a deep breath in and brace for impact. You take a deep breath in and all hell breaks loose.

You’ve got fire in your belly that billows up to your eyes and out of your ears, I swear sometimes I can see the steam. You become a lioness who’s escaped from the zoo and is determined to avoid re-captivity. You’re like a crazy, exotic species of bird that has to be heard above everything else. And you’re as sly as a slithering snake, confounding my tried and trusted methods of mediation, finding sneaky new ways of exerting your will.

You have a resistance and resolve that astounds me. It leaves me stunned and speechless…in crowded check-out lines, silent libraries, hectic playgrounds. Just when I thought life was somewhat under control, we then welcomed the ‘Age of the Tantrum,’ one to undoubtably go down in history for our family, and for some unlucky bystanders, as the age that couldn’t end fast enough.

But once the dust from those stomping feet has settled, your raging tears have subsided and all is right in your world again, I want you to know this… that whenever your heart aches and bursts into a million different emotions mine follows suit. When you shed those tears, they spill out of my eyes just the same. When you feel frustration take over your body, it spreads to my chest as well. When you’re afraid, my stomach knots up in empathy. When anger explodes out of your powerful little lungs, my body clenches in response.

It doesn’t matter the length of your wails, the decibels of your cries, the sting of your words as nonsensical or hurtful as they may be, I’ll be there. Sitting on the cold tiles in the bread aisle talking you down. I’ll be there, whispering gently in your ear as your cries rattle the shelves of the unsuspecting books and the glasses of the poor little librarian during storytime. I’ll be there, on the playground letting the wood chips invade my shoes dodging the other children just to get to you. Go ahead, run through the fire, sweet one, run. I’ll chase you right through it and whether running, walking or crawling, I will come out the other side a better mama.

As time moves forward, the struggles you face will change shape and the walls you put up will alter in size. So while we’re still working through relatively uncomplicated toy sharing dramas and nap time negotiations, I’ll learn the secrets to unlocking your heart. And when the time comes, I’ll remember these early years and how I found the key. How I trudged relentlessly through the murky jungle making a path amidst the myriad of emotions blocking the way; I’ll untangle you again from those vines of frustration or confusion or whatever they may be, resist as you may, and pull you back to me. Be assured, no matter the obstacles, I will find a way to be there for you. That’s what we mamas do.

Your fight may be fierce, but my love for you is fiercer and always will be.